What Does The Word “No” Mean To You And Your Kids?

By Anneli Asplund

I have been catching myself saying “No” a lot lately, especially to my 19 months old little girl Stina. And guess what… She has started saying it to me!!!!

So, I put my “googling fingers” on and started to search the net for information about the impact it has on our kids to say don’t, not and no. And of course I found a lot of conflicting messages and ideas, but the one that stood out the most to me was a Youtube video by the Law of Attraction guru Michael Losier.

What Michael says in the video is when children use words that have a negative vibration they attract things they don’t want. And the same goes for us parents of course.

How can I as a parent help my kids attract the things they want?

Well, we can start by eliminating and reducing words such as don’t, not and no in our conversations with our kids. Of course this is easier said than done as we all know, so when you catch yourself saying things like “Don’t talk with your mouth full”, first ask yourself “What do I want?” and then rephrase the sentence to “When your mouth is empty you can talk to me”.

This is something we will have to teach our kids too. How many times do we hear our kids argue with each other saying things like “Don’t hit me” or “No, that is my toy”. Again ask the question, to your child this time, “What do you want?”
And let them rephrase it – “Play with me gently as it hurts when you hit me”.

You can check out the video on Youtube. I hope you find it as interesting as I did.
There is also an article about it here:

http://www.4lifeselfhelp.com/articles/children-and-the-law-of-attraction.html

There are times we need to say “no”

My observation of the word “no” is that we say “no” so much that it looses its impact. Our kids just tune out because we say it so often. What happens if there is an immediate danger? Our kids will not listen because they think it is one of our “usual insignificant no’s”. There are times that the word “no” should be used and our kids should listen to it, so be mindful of it and use it in moderation.

Some tips on how to reduce the use of the word “No”

Taken from Nanny Deb’s blog post “Don’t Say No: Child Behavior Challenge”

• State the facts simply. So if your child asks you to stay longer at his friend’s house, instead of saying no, try saying, “We have to go now. But next time, we can stay longer.”
• Acknowledge what your child wants. If your child asks you for a cookie at a 10:00 AM (or any non-cookie time), simply say, “I know you want a cookie. After lunch we can have one.”
• Rephrase your child’s question into a sentence. If he says, “Do I have to go to bed?” You can say, “I know you don’t want to go to bed. But it’s bedtime and we have to wake up early.” Again, acknowledge their request, because all kids (and adults) want is to be heard.
• Create a Wish List. I once took care of a little 3-year-old who was the queen of tantrums. She always wanted something at the store and she’d throw a fit until her mom gave it to her. I had to teach her that was not going to work anymore. So we came up with the Wish List. I kept a pen and notepad in my bag and used to make lists with her whenever she would say, “I want that!” or “Can I have that?” And I’d say, “Great. Let’s put it on the list.” It worked. I wrote everything down, and she had something to hang on to. She absolutely loved her lists!
• Take a pause. It only takes a moment to stop yourself from saying no. And if you feel yourself getting upset, take a breath. Don’t scream, don’t yell, just calmly say, “One minute.” And if you find yourself too heated, simply excuse yourself.

How many times did you say “no” today?

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Tagged as: Child, Children, Communication with your child, Effective Communication, Happy Kids, Kid, Kids, Law of Attraction, Parenting, Positive Parenting, Problem Behaviour